I had a fabulous holiday last week in Tenerife, spent largely in reading fiction and gazing at a vista of blue ocean, horizon, blue sky. Talking to my co-coaching buddy Paul Stonehouse before going, I said how much I was looking forward to that view to a distant horizon. We explored around ideas of ‘getting a different perspective’ – and it was certainly that. I hardly spoke to another person all week, and was comfortable with giving my introvert side the upper hand for a week.
Yesterday I was speaking to my supervisor about the experience of reconnecting with my life after returning from holiday, and how I was aware of a certain reluctance to log on to Facebook or Linked-in, or to start doing some more academic writing. I was fairly clear that I was happy being back in extrovert mode as I had enjoyed seeing clients and supervisees during the day. So, what was my reluctance about?
Partly, I think, I was wary of the seductive nature of the internet (” I’ll just check out this link”), and partly I had a vague feeling of wanting to keep a better balance in my life. I’m not talking about “work/life balance” – I’m extraordinarily lucky to have work I find stimulating and fulfilling. The sense I have is that the balance I’m seeking is related to having time to just sit and stare at the horizon – putting the brain into ‘neutral’ – allowing space for ideas, thoughts and feelings to emerge. Like many people, I’m normally pretty busy, and time to sit and stare is usually in short supply. But I do have choices over what I do outside of scheduled appointments, so why don’t I normally choose to make time to just sit still?
As a society, I think we avoid ‘being’ in favour of ‘doing’ – I know I’ve had many clients who use ‘being busy’ as a way of avoiding being with sadness, and I have been prone to that myself in the past. Partly, it’s a hangover of the ‘Protestant work ethic’ – the underlying belief being that ‘the devil finds work for idle hands’ or ‘don’t waste time’. I’m conscious that, outside of holidays and weekends, I feel guilty about ‘doing nothing’ – echoes of grandparent voices saying ‘surely, there’s something more productive you should be doing!’ I am not always aware of my critical inner voice saying ‘don’t be lazy’.
It’s also the case that extrovert qualities of action, excitement, making things happen, are prized more in our culture than the introvert qualities of peacefulness, reflection, silence. I also believe that as a culture, we’re normally over-stimulated: piped music in shops and restaurants, soundbites, continuity people speaking over the closing credits of TV programmes …… I could go on …..
So, the conclusion I seem to be reaching is that I want a balance between my extrovert and introvert sides – between action and reflection, doing and being, stimulation and assimilation – and permission from my busy, achievement-oriented subpersonality to simply be still. And, if I achieve this balance in my day-to-day life, will I want a different sort of holiday?