New Year resolutions and the pursuit of perfection

posted on January 7, 2011 at 7:17 pm

So it’s that time of year again, and when I went along for my first exercise class of the year today, the leisure centre was packed. I found myself wondering cynically how long this would last, before those whose attendance was due to a resolution found themselves faltering.

I’m not a supporter of New Year Resolutions (NYRs) – we all know that exercising, stopping smoking, maintaining a healthy weight, reducing alcohol intake etc. are good ideas – but most people’s experience of NYRs is of initial enthusiasm, that peters out until resolve is lost.

I suspect that there are a few inter-related reasons for this:

  • we set out on the activity from a position of “I’m not OK”. Underneath our upbeat confident mask is a fundamental belief that we’re not good enough – and that if people knew ‘the real me’ they’d reject us.
  • this underlying belief leads us to
    a) set ourselves unrealistic goals -”I’ll exercise every day” and
    b) believe that we have to do the activity perfectly and
    c) set ourselves too many different self-improvement areas to work on.
  • these unrealistic aspirations give us a very low tolerance of ‘failure’: eating a chocolate bar or not getting to the gym one day sets off our inner critic, and provides further evidence for our belief that we’re not OK.
  • once we’ve failed to meet our unrealistic target, we tend to feel guilty, look for something or someone to blame (often the perceived flaw in ourselves).
  • having found a reason for our failure, the temptation is to think ‘there’s no point in continuing’.
  • So what do I recommend instead of NYRs? This is my adaptation of SMART goals.

    1. Accept that you’re not perfect and you never will be.

    2. Think about why you want to lose weight/reduce your alcohol consumption etc. What do you want to be able to do that the NYR is a step towards?

    3. What inspires you about the underlying goal?

    4. Brainstorm ways of starting directly on that underlying goal.

    5. Look at what’s realistic in terms of the other commitments in your life, and the inevitable hiccups – snow, going down with a virus, car failing to start – that life will deliver.

    6. Choose a time for starting when predictable interruptions are low, and your resilience to stress and frustration are high.

    7. Expect unanticipated hiccups – and realise that they’re not a reason to stop.

    8. Choose a supporter/coach who will encourage you to keep going and remind you of the inspiration underlying your goal.

    9. Congratulate yourself on what you do achieve, rather than focusing on how far short of perfection this is.

    Good luck!

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